Is it ever too late to say sorry

As I do more and more work on forgiveness, I increasingly think about my past and what I need to forgive or be forgiven for.

We have all done things in our lives that I'm sure if we could do it again differently, we would. Sadly this isn't often possible but we can try and make some reparation for our past. Today I was thinking about saying sorry for some of the things I have done to family and friends and I came across a dilemma..

Are some of the things I want to apologise for going to bring up more harm than good? If things that have happened in the past, which I haven't yet apologised for, should I now?

I worry that to say sorry now may for some people just be irrelevant or unhelpful because it is no longer something that they dwell on whilst at the same time I think that perhaps saying sorry late is better than saying sorry never...

I've also thought that saying sorry now is selfish because it is to relieve myself of guilt.

But I've decided to take the bull by the horns and just go with it. I'm going to apologise to those I feel I owe it to and yes it is partly to make myself feel better but it also because I want them to know I genuinely regret.

Wounded her spirit forever

Today, I'm going through and updating all the stories of individual journey's of forgiveness at my internship and I came across a story where a man had not done any physical damage to a girl but he knew that he had emotionally scared her and 'wounded her spirit forever'.

That is probably one of the most deepest sentiments I have ever come across.

What so many people do not realise and which he so poignantly points out is that our actions can be so damaging to those around us, without us even realising. I know there altruism and a pain free life isn't possible but I think that we should all really do our upmost to be aware of actions. If we realise that we have done something that may have potentially harmed someone, we should address it. All it takes to overcome a wound is recognition of it and effort to make reparation for it.

Do some of us have no values?

Not too long ago I was at a discussion about race and ethnicity and I was shocked to hear a member of the group say that she would prefer to send her children, especially her daughter to an all Asian school because of the values that are taught. Now this isn't what bothered me. What really struck a cord with me however was that she then went on to say that she would do that because she doesn't want her daughter to be mixing with white girls who will encourage her daughter to have a boyfriend at 15 and a baby by 19.

This was quite shocking to me as she was at a debate for anti-racism and she herself seemed to be inciting racism. I know that all ethnic groups have their own cultural identities and that these can seem to conflict with those of other groups, however I truly believe that it comes down to the individual and that morals start where the heart is and that is likely to originate in the home. If you want your child(ren) to have them, then teach those values to them. Do not blame your fears on an ethnic group.

Change

Today I was thinking about change and I know to some this may seem obvious but to me it was really food for thought and so I thought I would try to pass it on.

Everyone at times throughout their life will call themselves or something that has happened in their life into question but the way people respond to this differs. For some it may be that they let it go and carry on without a second thought. For others it may be that they what they are questioning, they wish to change and so they try to put that plan into action.

Recently I've been going through a personal journey, which I'm finding myself wishing to change an aspect or two of my identity and one of the major obstacles I find facing me time and time again is that when I am in old surroundings I struggle to maintain the 'new' me.

This can be because I find it hard to break routine, because I'm nervous of how other people might react to the change and because it throws me out of my comfort zone. But sometimes in life these tests are good and what you need to prove to yourself that you can be a better version of yourself. Recently I heard about the four R's that will help anyone wanting to change something in their life.

Recognise. Reject. Renew. Retrain.

And the last one, retrain, really is the hardest of them all. There is no easy way to get rid of the old but when you do manage to pull it off, it really does make the struggle worth it!

Watch your words

So generation 3.0 is in the running and talk surrounding it has brought up the theory of transmission - racism being passed on from parent to child. This is a well known phenomenon. Parents teach their kids about life and at a vital time in their development. This gives them a lot of power because they are so influential and they often pass on their own views onto their children.

This can be a lovely way to carry on traditions and memorabilia, however it can also be a destructive force. If a parent sees the world negatively then they can tarnish the way that their child sees the world. Right from the word go if a parent uses racist comments when in the presence of their child, the child is instantly being set back in the fight against racism.

I do firmly believe that we are all the makers of our own being but there is a stage before this in which we as children learn and do as our parents do.  And so for children who have racist parents they have to actively question what their parents say in order to become free from prejudice. I don’t put racism all down to what your parents teach you, I know there are many other reasons for its existence but it is still important that a parent is careful in what they say. It's likely to end in disaster and end up reproducing racism, which holds you back as well as hurting others.

Generation 3.0

So I have recently started my internship with the Runnymede Trust and I must admit it has been a pretty nerve racking time. This is probably the first time I've worked in a job and been one hundred percent committed to the cause, which is why I am so glad they have assigned me to a project that I think is so worthwhile.

Generation 3.0 is a project which is aiming to end racism in a generation. Some may say that this is too ambitious. But without big dreams, how far would we really get? This project is based in Trafford and Croydon, where pop-up shops will be happening later this year so that these communities have the opportunity to come together and express their opinion on racism and how to end it.

If there is any doubt to what this can do, I will answer that for you now. To create a space where people's voices are being heard, as well as the opportunity for them to hear other peoples voices is aimed to create positive dialogue and so people can share a good thing and unite against racism. That unnecessary hate which holds us all back.

I just hope people give it a chance. It's an opportunity for a better future.

Loneliness... is it really a solo thing?

Loneliness is a emotion felt by an individual who is experiencing a lack of good relationships and so the most obvious way to counter this is to be in good relationships. But this is easier said than done and so people tend to sacrifice the 'good' part and end up in any kind of relationship hoping that it is preventing them from feeling alone.

Relationships in all their forms are important to every single one of us and it is what we define ourselves by. Whether it is our relationship with our family, friends or a boyfriend/girlfriend, we all find it very hard to live our lives without these being intact. This often means that we have to compromise things that we want for someone else so that the relationship continues, the compromises are usually worth it also because of the happiness the relationship brings to us overall. So, when a relationship comes to prioritize compromises over the general happiness you take from the relationship, a choice evolves, to stay or to go?

The obvious answer is to leave. But this is often easier said than done.
In terms of romantic relationships, loneliness is more often seen as a syndrome of not having a relationship rather than not having a good relationship. People often use the excuse 'but i love them', as the reason for staying in unhappy relationships but what I think a lot of it comes down to is a fear of being alone. People associate a more extreme unhappiness and loneliness with being single than the unhappiness and loneliness they are experiencing in their romantic relationship. But how true is this?

When you step outside the box and look at the bigger picture, it is often clear to see that you are a part of many relationships which offer fulfillment and an answer to 'loneliness'. This ability to reflect can then increase the chances of sustaining a happy relationship because being able to see the good in your life places less pressure on the romantic relationship.
What do you think?