As I do more and more work on forgiveness, I increasingly think about my past and what I need to forgive or be forgiven for.
We have all done things in our lives that I'm sure if we could do it again differently, we would. Sadly this isn't often possible but we can try and make some reparation for our past. Today I was thinking about saying sorry for some of the things I have done to family and friends and I came across a dilemma..
Are some of the things I want to apologise for going to bring up more harm than good? If things that have happened in the past, which I haven't yet apologised for, should I now?
I worry that to say sorry now may for some people just be irrelevant or unhelpful because it is no longer something that they dwell on whilst at the same time I think that perhaps saying sorry late is better than saying sorry never...
I've also thought that saying sorry now is selfish because it is to relieve myself of guilt.
But I've decided to take the bull by the horns and just go with it. I'm going to apologise to those I feel I owe it to and yes it is partly to make myself feel better but it also because I want them to know I genuinely regret.
Tuesday 13 December 2011
Tuesday 25 October 2011
Wounded her spirit forever
Today, I'm going through and updating all the stories of individual journey's of forgiveness at my internship and I came across a story where a man had not done any physical damage to a girl but he knew that he had emotionally scared her and 'wounded her spirit forever'.
That is probably one of the most deepest sentiments I have ever come across.
What so many people do not realise and which he so poignantly points out is that our actions can be so damaging to those around us, without us even realising. I know there altruism and a pain free life isn't possible but I think that we should all really do our upmost to be aware of actions. If we realise that we have done something that may have potentially harmed someone, we should address it. All it takes to overcome a wound is recognition of it and effort to make reparation for it.
That is probably one of the most deepest sentiments I have ever come across.
What so many people do not realise and which he so poignantly points out is that our actions can be so damaging to those around us, without us even realising. I know there altruism and a pain free life isn't possible but I think that we should all really do our upmost to be aware of actions. If we realise that we have done something that may have potentially harmed someone, we should address it. All it takes to overcome a wound is recognition of it and effort to make reparation for it.
Monday 17 October 2011
Do some of us have no values?
Not too long ago I was at a discussion about race and ethnicity and I was shocked to hear a member of the group say that she would prefer to send her children, especially her daughter to an all Asian school because of the values that are taught. Now this isn't what bothered me. What really struck a cord with me however was that she then went on to say that she would do that because she doesn't want her daughter to be mixing with white girls who will encourage her daughter to have a boyfriend at 15 and a baby by 19.
This was quite shocking to me as she was at a debate for anti-racism and she herself seemed to be inciting racism. I know that all ethnic groups have their own cultural identities and that these can seem to conflict with those of other groups, however I truly believe that it comes down to the individual and that morals start where the heart is and that is likely to originate in the home. If you want your child(ren) to have them, then teach those values to them. Do not blame your fears on an ethnic group.
This was quite shocking to me as she was at a debate for anti-racism and she herself seemed to be inciting racism. I know that all ethnic groups have their own cultural identities and that these can seem to conflict with those of other groups, however I truly believe that it comes down to the individual and that morals start where the heart is and that is likely to originate in the home. If you want your child(ren) to have them, then teach those values to them. Do not blame your fears on an ethnic group.
Sunday 16 October 2011
Change
Today I was thinking about change and I know to some this may seem obvious but to me it was really food for thought and so I thought I would try to pass it on.
Everyone at times throughout their life will call themselves or something that has happened in their life into question but the way people respond to this differs. For some it may be that they let it go and carry on without a second thought. For others it may be that they what they are questioning, they wish to change and so they try to put that plan into action.
Recently I've been going through a personal journey, which I'm finding myself wishing to change an aspect or two of my identity and one of the major obstacles I find facing me time and time again is that when I am in old surroundings I struggle to maintain the 'new' me.
This can be because I find it hard to break routine, because I'm nervous of how other people might react to the change and because it throws me out of my comfort zone. But sometimes in life these tests are good and what you need to prove to yourself that you can be a better version of yourself. Recently I heard about the four R's that will help anyone wanting to change something in their life.
Recognise. Reject. Renew. Retrain.
And the last one, retrain, really is the hardest of them all. There is no easy way to get rid of the old but when you do manage to pull it off, it really does make the struggle worth it!
Everyone at times throughout their life will call themselves or something that has happened in their life into question but the way people respond to this differs. For some it may be that they let it go and carry on without a second thought. For others it may be that they what they are questioning, they wish to change and so they try to put that plan into action.
Recently I've been going through a personal journey, which I'm finding myself wishing to change an aspect or two of my identity and one of the major obstacles I find facing me time and time again is that when I am in old surroundings I struggle to maintain the 'new' me.
This can be because I find it hard to break routine, because I'm nervous of how other people might react to the change and because it throws me out of my comfort zone. But sometimes in life these tests are good and what you need to prove to yourself that you can be a better version of yourself. Recently I heard about the four R's that will help anyone wanting to change something in their life.
Recognise. Reject. Renew. Retrain.
And the last one, retrain, really is the hardest of them all. There is no easy way to get rid of the old but when you do manage to pull it off, it really does make the struggle worth it!
Wednesday 3 August 2011
Watch your words
So generation 3.0 is in the running and talk surrounding it has brought up the theory of transmission - racism being passed on from parent to child. This is a well known phenomenon. Parents teach their kids about life and at a vital time in their development. This gives them a lot of power because they are so influential and they often pass on their own views onto their children.
This can be a lovely way to carry on traditions and memorabilia, however it can also be a destructive force. If a parent sees the world negatively then they can tarnish the way that their child sees the world. Right from the word go if a parent uses racist comments when in the presence of their child, the child is instantly being set back in the fight against racism.
I do firmly believe that we are all the makers of our own being but there is a stage before this in which we as children learn and do as our parents do. And so for children who have racist parents they have to actively question what their parents say in order to become free from prejudice. I don’t put racism all down to what your parents teach you, I know there are many other reasons for its existence but it is still important that a parent is careful in what they say. It's likely to end in disaster and end up reproducing racism, which holds you back as well as hurting others.
Friday 15 July 2011
Generation 3.0
So I have recently started my internship with the Runnymede Trust and I must admit it has been a pretty nerve racking time. This is probably the first time I've worked in a job and been one hundred percent committed to the cause, which is why I am so glad they have assigned me to a project that I think is so worthwhile.
Generation 3.0 is a project which is aiming to end racism in a generation. Some may say that this is too ambitious. But without big dreams, how far would we really get? This project is based in Trafford and Croydon, where pop-up shops will be happening later this year so that these communities have the opportunity to come together and express their opinion on racism and how to end it.
If there is any doubt to what this can do, I will answer that for you now. To create a space where people's voices are being heard, as well as the opportunity for them to hear other peoples voices is aimed to create positive dialogue and so people can share a good thing and unite against racism. That unnecessary hate which holds us all back.
I just hope people give it a chance. It's an opportunity for a better future.
Generation 3.0 is a project which is aiming to end racism in a generation. Some may say that this is too ambitious. But without big dreams, how far would we really get? This project is based in Trafford and Croydon, where pop-up shops will be happening later this year so that these communities have the opportunity to come together and express their opinion on racism and how to end it.
If there is any doubt to what this can do, I will answer that for you now. To create a space where people's voices are being heard, as well as the opportunity for them to hear other peoples voices is aimed to create positive dialogue and so people can share a good thing and unite against racism. That unnecessary hate which holds us all back.
I just hope people give it a chance. It's an opportunity for a better future.
Tuesday 14 June 2011
Loneliness... is it really a solo thing?
Loneliness is a emotion felt by an individual who is experiencing a lack of good relationships and so the most obvious way to counter this is to be in good relationships. But this is easier said than done and so people tend to sacrifice the 'good' part and end up in any kind of relationship hoping that it is preventing them from feeling alone.
Relationships in all their forms are important to every single one of us and it is what we define ourselves by. Whether it is our relationship with our family, friends or a boyfriend/girlfriend, we all find it very hard to live our lives without these being intact. This often means that we have to compromise things that we want for someone else so that the relationship continues, the compromises are usually worth it also because of the happiness the relationship brings to us overall. So, when a relationship comes to prioritize compromises over the general happiness you take from the relationship, a choice evolves, to stay or to go?
The obvious answer is to leave. But this is often easier said than done.
In terms of romantic relationships, loneliness is more often seen as a syndrome of not having a relationship rather than not having a good relationship. People often use the excuse 'but i love them', as the reason for staying in unhappy relationships but what I think a lot of it comes down to is a fear of being alone. People associate a more extreme unhappiness and loneliness with being single than the unhappiness and loneliness they are experiencing in their romantic relationship. But how true is this?
When you step outside the box and look at the bigger picture, it is often clear to see that you are a part of many relationships which offer fulfillment and an answer to 'loneliness'. This ability to reflect can then increase the chances of sustaining a happy relationship because being able to see the good in your life places less pressure on the romantic relationship.
What do you think?
Relationships in all their forms are important to every single one of us and it is what we define ourselves by. Whether it is our relationship with our family, friends or a boyfriend/girlfriend, we all find it very hard to live our lives without these being intact. This often means that we have to compromise things that we want for someone else so that the relationship continues, the compromises are usually worth it also because of the happiness the relationship brings to us overall. So, when a relationship comes to prioritize compromises over the general happiness you take from the relationship, a choice evolves, to stay or to go?
The obvious answer is to leave. But this is often easier said than done.
In terms of romantic relationships, loneliness is more often seen as a syndrome of not having a relationship rather than not having a good relationship. People often use the excuse 'but i love them', as the reason for staying in unhappy relationships but what I think a lot of it comes down to is a fear of being alone. People associate a more extreme unhappiness and loneliness with being single than the unhappiness and loneliness they are experiencing in their romantic relationship. But how true is this?
When you step outside the box and look at the bigger picture, it is often clear to see that you are a part of many relationships which offer fulfillment and an answer to 'loneliness'. This ability to reflect can then increase the chances of sustaining a happy relationship because being able to see the good in your life places less pressure on the romantic relationship.
What do you think?
Tuesday 26 April 2011
Unchosen...
A few weeks ago I went to a film night put on by Unchosen, an anti-trafficking charity. We watched an episode of Dispatches on 'Britain's secret slaves'.
This programme's shocking exposure of the cruel conditions and victimisation of domestic care workers made me feel aghast. The awful conditions and treatment that many domestic workers endure is outraging. There were numerous examples of individuals being paid less than 10p an hour for their labour and in even more extreme cases, the emotional and physical abuse they suffered at the hands of their 'employer'. I caption the word 'employer' because in these cases it really acquaints to slave master. Many of these individuals were emotionally bullied, threatened and actually physically harmed on an individual basis but also extended to their family and persons they care for.
An awful fact about these situations is that many of these 'employers' are actually 'good citizens' of society, such as doctors, and most terrifyingly of all are the instances in which diplomats are at the hands of such abhorrent acts. Diplomatic immunity within the law prevents any protection on behalf of the domestic workers and allows this injustice to continue.
The other major obstacle to the prevention and awareness of abusive domestic work scenarios is that they are so hidden and therefore makes identification almost unobtainable, on behalf of those seeking to stop this form of slavery and also in the case of the individual themselves, they are unlikely to realise that the form of treatment they are receiving is illegal. It is also very difficult to reach out to these individuals because of the high chance that there will be a language barrier because of international recruitment and also because of fear. Fear that they won't have anywhere to go, that they will be treated badly by the police and that they will be sent back to their original country. And the sad thing is this fear is justified. Many of those who are brave enough to face the UKs judicial system are likely to be treated as an illegal immigrant and then have 45 days to prove themselves, otherwise they are deported.
I'm not sure how this will be overcome with so many barriers to reaching those involved. There is some hope though. Charities such as Unchosen, Anti-slavery, Kalayaan and Afruca are all fighting against this injustice.
We all need to do our bit too though and increased awareness of this situation on the part of those outside of the situation can help those trapped inside, behind closed doors.
To see exactly what I am talking about, the episode of dispatches is online:
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/dispatches/4od#3129534
This programme's shocking exposure of the cruel conditions and victimisation of domestic care workers made me feel aghast. The awful conditions and treatment that many domestic workers endure is outraging. There were numerous examples of individuals being paid less than 10p an hour for their labour and in even more extreme cases, the emotional and physical abuse they suffered at the hands of their 'employer'. I caption the word 'employer' because in these cases it really acquaints to slave master. Many of these individuals were emotionally bullied, threatened and actually physically harmed on an individual basis but also extended to their family and persons they care for.
An awful fact about these situations is that many of these 'employers' are actually 'good citizens' of society, such as doctors, and most terrifyingly of all are the instances in which diplomats are at the hands of such abhorrent acts. Diplomatic immunity within the law prevents any protection on behalf of the domestic workers and allows this injustice to continue.
The other major obstacle to the prevention and awareness of abusive domestic work scenarios is that they are so hidden and therefore makes identification almost unobtainable, on behalf of those seeking to stop this form of slavery and also in the case of the individual themselves, they are unlikely to realise that the form of treatment they are receiving is illegal. It is also very difficult to reach out to these individuals because of the high chance that there will be a language barrier because of international recruitment and also because of fear. Fear that they won't have anywhere to go, that they will be treated badly by the police and that they will be sent back to their original country. And the sad thing is this fear is justified. Many of those who are brave enough to face the UKs judicial system are likely to be treated as an illegal immigrant and then have 45 days to prove themselves, otherwise they are deported.
I'm not sure how this will be overcome with so many barriers to reaching those involved. There is some hope though. Charities such as Unchosen, Anti-slavery, Kalayaan and Afruca are all fighting against this injustice.
We all need to do our bit too though and increased awareness of this situation on the part of those outside of the situation can help those trapped inside, behind closed doors.
To see exactly what I am talking about, the episode of dispatches is online:
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/dispatches/4od#3129534
Wednesday 20 April 2011
Equality... Is it all a waste of time?
Last night, I got myself into a heated debate with a guy who doesn't believe in equality.
We were talking about my plans for when I graduate university and after telling him what field I plan to go into (ethnic equality work, particularly focusing on conflict resolution), I was brought face to face with one of the most difficult challenges I will face in the field.
He described my plan as pointless because in London there is no racism and that people shouldn't have to speak to someone of a different ethnicity if they don't want to.
I was dumbstruck. But tried to keep my cool and talk through the problems with him; that we should all be able to live together peacefully and get along.
There was no changing his mind though, he was 100% adamant that racism does not exist in London and there is no point to equality work because where the problem lies is with the government's welfare system. Which regarding the government, I had to give to him.
The government's system isn't flawless and does need work to ensure that all people are receiving what is necessary to meet basic living standards in the UK. He also highlighted that there are many people out there trying to con the system, which indisputably is a problem. Equal allocation of resources to those who are in need is difficult to ensure when there are individuals out there laying claim to more than what they are entitled.
However, as much as there are flaws in the government's system, it is a fair point. This however, is not a reason or an excuse to give up the fight for equality or to deny racism. Negative thought and the unwillingness to try to change things is what I could not understand. And which is part of the overall problem.
My main aim is to help lessen discrimination on the basis of one's ethnic identity. This I hope will be done by increasing the awareness of what every culture is about, so that everyone can understand and appreciate the array of cultures in British society, which do not lie at the heart of where they originate. Seeing the good within different cultures creates opportunities for others of different cultures to see what they have in common and can relate to. This common understanding of certain ways of life and acceptance of difference is what is needed for progression.
Being unable to see that, even after having a discussion about it, is the sort of negative thinking that results in backwards steps, away from integration.
My question is and to which he could not answer, why would you not want to get along with others?
We were talking about my plans for when I graduate university and after telling him what field I plan to go into (ethnic equality work, particularly focusing on conflict resolution), I was brought face to face with one of the most difficult challenges I will face in the field.
He described my plan as pointless because in London there is no racism and that people shouldn't have to speak to someone of a different ethnicity if they don't want to.
I was dumbstruck. But tried to keep my cool and talk through the problems with him; that we should all be able to live together peacefully and get along.
There was no changing his mind though, he was 100% adamant that racism does not exist in London and there is no point to equality work because where the problem lies is with the government's welfare system. Which regarding the government, I had to give to him.
The government's system isn't flawless and does need work to ensure that all people are receiving what is necessary to meet basic living standards in the UK. He also highlighted that there are many people out there trying to con the system, which indisputably is a problem. Equal allocation of resources to those who are in need is difficult to ensure when there are individuals out there laying claim to more than what they are entitled.
However, as much as there are flaws in the government's system, it is a fair point. This however, is not a reason or an excuse to give up the fight for equality or to deny racism. Negative thought and the unwillingness to try to change things is what I could not understand. And which is part of the overall problem.
My main aim is to help lessen discrimination on the basis of one's ethnic identity. This I hope will be done by increasing the awareness of what every culture is about, so that everyone can understand and appreciate the array of cultures in British society, which do not lie at the heart of where they originate. Seeing the good within different cultures creates opportunities for others of different cultures to see what they have in common and can relate to. This common understanding of certain ways of life and acceptance of difference is what is needed for progression.
Being unable to see that, even after having a discussion about it, is the sort of negative thinking that results in backwards steps, away from integration.
My question is and to which he could not answer, why would you not want to get along with others?
Sunday 10 April 2011
Far Away
After watching Marsha Ambrosius' song Far Away, it really hit home the amount of fear there is out there for what is unknown and the disastrous consequences it can have on some.
Although difference can be scary because it is not what we have been brought up to know, it is essential that we are all aware that although we are may have different aspects to our identity, these do not need to conflict.
No one consciously decides they want to put themselves at risk of losing their friends and family or to be hated by other members of society, and this is what we all need to bear in mind.
Certain things in life are not a choice and in the case of Marsha's video, sexuality certainly isn't. Having done my dissertation on gay men, I can confidently say that admitting in a heterosexual society that you are gay is a very difficult and turbulent time and not one which is taken upon lightly.
There is even debate amongst the gay community about what they would do if there was a pill they could take to make themselves straight. The fact that this discussion has even been brought about, which I can safely say, has not happened vice versa in heterosexual society, speaks for itself how much being of a certain sexual orientation is not a choice.
We should not judge others for what we are not because it could quite as easily have been us in the discriminated position and then I am sure we would all want to know we had the support of those around us.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRwLMC2wP0g
Although difference can be scary because it is not what we have been brought up to know, it is essential that we are all aware that although we are may have different aspects to our identity, these do not need to conflict.
No one consciously decides they want to put themselves at risk of losing their friends and family or to be hated by other members of society, and this is what we all need to bear in mind.
Certain things in life are not a choice and in the case of Marsha's video, sexuality certainly isn't. Having done my dissertation on gay men, I can confidently say that admitting in a heterosexual society that you are gay is a very difficult and turbulent time and not one which is taken upon lightly.
There is even debate amongst the gay community about what they would do if there was a pill they could take to make themselves straight. The fact that this discussion has even been brought about, which I can safely say, has not happened vice versa in heterosexual society, speaks for itself how much being of a certain sexual orientation is not a choice.
We should not judge others for what we are not because it could quite as easily have been us in the discriminated position and then I am sure we would all want to know we had the support of those around us.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRwLMC2wP0g
Friday 18 March 2011
Is the slewing of multiculturalism really doing us any justice?
In light of David Cameron's recent assertion that multiculturalism has failed, I stumbled across an article by Mark Steyn, for the telegraph, arguing: "multiculturalism" is really a suicide cult conceived by the Western elites not to celebrate all cultures, but to deny their own. And that's particularly unworthy of the British, whose language, culture and law have been the single greatest force for good in this world.
Although his comment was made during the Labour government's reign, his comment is arguably more relevant today with the changes the Tory party are calling for.
Steyn's argument that multiculturalism has been suicidal to British identity has completely missed the point of what multiculturalism aims for - the celebration of ALL cultures. It also demonstrates an utterly ethnocentric view of what he defines as 'good in this world'. A purely one sided approach to this has been taken and Steyn needs to open up his eyes to the good in all parts of the world and society.
I am not saying multicultural strategies have been flawless but their shortcomings are not so severe that going back in time to a renewal of assimilation to British culture only, as both he and Cameron suggest, is necessary. We have gone too far in today's society, especially with the influences of individualism to try and merge us all into one being. There is too much beauty in our difference to assimilate and that is what Britishness now represents. Instead we should focus on our differences as a unifying identity and come together with a conjoined interest in what we can learn from one another.
To read Steyn's article click the below link:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/personal-view/3614135/Britain-has-been-in-denial-for-too-long.html
Although his comment was made during the Labour government's reign, his comment is arguably more relevant today with the changes the Tory party are calling for.
Steyn's argument that multiculturalism has been suicidal to British identity has completely missed the point of what multiculturalism aims for - the celebration of ALL cultures. It also demonstrates an utterly ethnocentric view of what he defines as 'good in this world'. A purely one sided approach to this has been taken and Steyn needs to open up his eyes to the good in all parts of the world and society.
I am not saying multicultural strategies have been flawless but their shortcomings are not so severe that going back in time to a renewal of assimilation to British culture only, as both he and Cameron suggest, is necessary. We have gone too far in today's society, especially with the influences of individualism to try and merge us all into one being. There is too much beauty in our difference to assimilate and that is what Britishness now represents. Instead we should focus on our differences as a unifying identity and come together with a conjoined interest in what we can learn from one another.
To read Steyn's article click the below link:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/personal-view/3614135/Britain-has-been-in-denial-for-too-long.html
Wednesday 16 March 2011
Have the rising number of rights granted to women, lead to a rise in male oppression?
Since my last blog about parenting and male/female rights, I've been thinking about their rights surrounding the choice to have a baby or an abortion. This highly controversial topic highlights many issues regarding women's bodies and moral issues.
And so purely in the case of women who do not feel morally obliged to have a baby, is it fair that she should make the decision over whether or not to have the child? Or should the potential father be allowed some say too? Any decision to do with the mind or body of a person, I argue would lead the ultimate decision to be made by that person. However, the choice of having a baby affects both the prospective mother and father and so in this case because a woman's body comes into play too, a male's opinion is secondary and so in the case that he wants the opposite outcome to the prospective mother, he will probably lose out.
Has female liberation, which grew out of their oppression by men flipped the coin on its head and now oppresses men in some situations?
I would argue yes.
Men have lost out on certain rights at the hands of women and this does not adhere to what feminism sought to achieve - equality with men - but perhaps in some situations, all that can be attained is the lesser of two evils?
And so purely in the case of women who do not feel morally obliged to have a baby, is it fair that she should make the decision over whether or not to have the child? Or should the potential father be allowed some say too? Any decision to do with the mind or body of a person, I argue would lead the ultimate decision to be made by that person. However, the choice of having a baby affects both the prospective mother and father and so in this case because a woman's body comes into play too, a male's opinion is secondary and so in the case that he wants the opposite outcome to the prospective mother, he will probably lose out.
Has female liberation, which grew out of their oppression by men flipped the coin on its head and now oppresses men in some situations?
I would argue yes.
Men have lost out on certain rights at the hands of women and this does not adhere to what feminism sought to achieve - equality with men - but perhaps in some situations, all that can be attained is the lesser of two evils?
Saturday 12 March 2011
Cleaning out the soul
Yesterday I witnessed something I find myself keep going back to.
As I was leaving the gym locker room, a girl was abusing the cleaner to help her find a receipt she lost which she steadfastly made her search through the bin for.
This really got to me.
Not only for her disrespect at the woman's job as a cleaner and not a slave; but also at her inherent racism. The cleaner was from East Africa and so the girl undignified herself even more by speaking to her as though she was thick and could not understand English - an attitude she would not have taken had the cleaner been Bristolian and with a bit of bite. But with someone she felt she could dominate, she did so and demonstrated outrightly her ignorance.
But above all this I blame myself. For seeing this and standing by. Saying nothing.
Why did I choose to walk away when I could see this injustice and know it needed to be confronted?
I don't know. I don't have the answer. But it's been eating me up ever since.
As I was leaving the gym locker room, a girl was abusing the cleaner to help her find a receipt she lost which she steadfastly made her search through the bin for.
This really got to me.
Not only for her disrespect at the woman's job as a cleaner and not a slave; but also at her inherent racism. The cleaner was from East Africa and so the girl undignified herself even more by speaking to her as though she was thick and could not understand English - an attitude she would not have taken had the cleaner been Bristolian and with a bit of bite. But with someone she felt she could dominate, she did so and demonstrated outrightly her ignorance.
But above all this I blame myself. For seeing this and standing by. Saying nothing.
Why did I choose to walk away when I could see this injustice and know it needed to be confronted?
I don't know. I don't have the answer. But it's been eating me up ever since.
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